


Someday

by quartzguts



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Feelings Realization, First Love, M/M, One-Sided Fujiwara no Sai/Shindou Hikaru, poor hikaru had a crush on the ghost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 21:15:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19159120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartzguts/pseuds/quartzguts
Summary: It takes Hikaru a while to understand his own feelings, but Akira is happy to wait for him.





	Someday

**Author's Note:**

> i'm rereading hikaru no go and just got to sai's "death" so this was necessary to unleash my sad feelings

Touya Akira knows who his first love was. He hadn't realized it at the time, but from the moment Shindou Hikaru sat at his goban and defeated him, he was stuck. He’ll never stop chasing after Hikaru's heart, never stop looking at him, never stop wanting him.

 

He'd waited so long for a rival to appear. Now he's gotten what his younger self had dreamed of - that and so much more.

 

He doesn't say anything, though. He plays Hikaru in official matches first, then in go clubs, and then at his house. He spends the night sometimes, and after Mrs. Shindou idly suggests that Hikaru stay over at Akira's house for once, he eagerly agrees. He wants to have Hikaru close, but for now, while he's still figuring out his own feelings, this is enough. This is more than enough.

 

It's wonderful. Akira feels like a hole in his life has been filled, although he doesn't know how long it'd been empty.

 

Hikaru looks up at him expectantly. It's his turn. Black is in a bad position this time around; if he isn't careful, Hikaru will steal the game.

 

Akira lifts a cool stone between his fingers and makes his move.

 

-

 

It had come up on Hikaru slowly. It'd started with quick glances at him when he wasn't looking, a casual question about his past relationships, a brief brush of his hand through Sai's fan.

 

Sai was all silky black hair and gentle eyes and elegant posture. But he was also overexcited yelling and emphatic tears and intense love for all things go. Hikaru's adolescent self didn't stand a chance.

 

He'd fallen fast and hard. It turned out to be a good thing that Sai was with him all the time; he'd gotten used to his crush quickly. He's still not sure if Sai ever noticed. Sometimes he stays up late thinking about it. He never bothers imagining what would've happened if he'd confessed - he always knew he would've been rejected. Even as a child he'd understood. He was far too young, and on top of that Sai was kinda sorta dead.

 

Now Sai is more than just _kinda sorta_. He's _really_ dead. It hurts to think about, still, even though it's been months, but Hikaru's okay with the hurt now. Sai's in heaven, probably. He's fine. Hikaru just hopes God is good at go.

 

Hikaru is good at go now, too. Good enough that he's almost caught Akira. He's chased him for so long it feels like a dream, to be sitting across from him in his room, playing a game while Akira's mother occasionally peeks in to ask if they want tea.

 

Hikaru slides a white stone between his fingers and leans forward.

 

-

 

It takes him a while to realize his feelings for Akira aren't just friendly-rivalry stuff. The way his world seems to revolve around Akira, and vice versa, isn't _normal_. He figures that much out when he asks Ogata, who’s celebrating a huge victory by getting drunk, about his former rivalry with Touya Meijin.

 

There's something more between him and Akira. He gets closer to understanding what it is between time spent together and time spent apart. The final piece comes when he's talking to Akari one day.

 

"I have a really good feeling about my new boyfriend," she says, twirling her hair around her finger. Hikaru remembers that when they were younger, people always assumed they'd end up together. Hikaru had been upset the first few times Akari dated other guys, but he was quick to realize that he wasn't jealous; she just had remarkably bad taste, so he didn't like any of them.

 

"Are you sure this guy isn't like the last one?" Hikaru asks as he takes a long slurp of his ramen.

 

"I'm sure!" Akari says indignantly. "The last guy didn't make me feel like this!"

 

Hikaru gives her a long look. "Like what?"

 

"I dunno - he makes my heart flutter. I don't wanna think about anyone else, don't wanna spend time with anyone else -"

 

"Gee, thanks!"

 

"You know what I mean," Akari says. "I could spend the rest of my life sitting beside him."

 

_I could spend the rest of my life sitting across from him._

 

"Oh," Hikaru says, stunned.

 

"What?"

 

"That's how I feel about Touya."

 

Akari smiles at him, looking both proud and unimpressed all at once. "You mean you just noticed?"

 

Instead of answering, Hikaru taps out their last game on his knee.

 

-

 

He brings flowers to Akira's house this time. It feels appropriate, after wasting so much of their time. Mrs. Touya opens the door and smiles softly at the bouquet. She doesn't ask for it. Even though Mother's Day is soon, she knows the flowers aren't for her.

 

He's more nervous than ever as he walks to Akira's room. He somehow managed to be early, even after spending the past hour messing with his hair and fixing his clothes. He was worried about his mother and father's reactions when he told them his plan, but they were thrilled. They've always worried about him growing up too fast, so they almost sobbed in relief at seeing him anxious in the face of a love confession.

 

"And Akira is a pro player, too!" His mother had said. "That means you'll be able to spend lots of time together, right?"

 

Yes. Lots of time. The rest of their lives, if Hikaru is lucky.

 

He knocks on Akira's door.

 

It opens almost immediately. Akira isn't surprised to see Hikaru there, but he is surprised to see the bouquet. Hikaru gives it to him, and shifts from foot to foot as Akira smells the flowers.

 

"It's lovely," he says softly. "What's the occasion -"

 

"I love you! Please go out with me!"

 

Akira laughs, then. It's a sound he hasn't heard often.

 

"Of course."

 

They don’t “go out.” Their first date is a game in Akira’s room.

 

-

 

When they're older, Hikaru still thinks about Sai from time to time. He and Akira have their own apartment, they call each other by their first names, and although they can't legally marry they've been talking about having a ceremony anyway. It's hard to forget one's first love, though, especially when that person helped shape your entire life. If it wasn’t for Sai, Hikaru would’ve never played go.

 

If it wasn't for Sai, he wouldn't be with Akira, either. Hikaru wants to go to Torajiro's grave to thank him, but he wants Akira to come too. And Akira won't understand why they're thanking a hundred year old grave for bringing them together.

 

Or will he? He always knew, more so than the others, that Sai was a part of him.

 

"Hey, Akira," he says as they sort through their clothes hampers. Doing their laundry together is beautifully domestic. Hikaru savors it as much as he savors a good game.

 

Akira flips a shirt outside-in before tossing it in the washing machine. "Yes?"

 

The kifus from his games with Sai are in a box under their bed. They’ll be his proof. "I think it's time for 'someday.'"


End file.
